Tuesday, August 3, 2010
And the stupid movie award goes to . . .
The Graves. Larry likes to watch horror movies, which is really not my kind of movie, but this movie has to be the stupidest movie I have ever seen.
It starts out with these two sisters who are like a great team. The older sister is going away to New York, while little sister stays home and lives her life. Big sister is the tough one. Before big sister, Meg goes away, they take a little road trip. They stop in the desert in the town of Unity.
At the dinner, the waitress recommends that they stop at Skull Mine. Little sister has a smart moment and says no. Big sister insists so off they go. As they are eating in comes the creepiest black preacher and his prisoner. Long story short, at the mine is where they kill the tourists, the whole town is in on it, and the town is demon possessed. The town kills the tourists to keep the town of Unity prosperous.
Incredibly stupid highlights:
1. Big sister is trying to lead the killer away from little sister. She cuts her wrist long ways and so deeply that she should have bled to death within minutes.
2. Little sister has fallen into a ditch and has been knocked unconscious, she knows that the killer is hunting for her. She yells for her sister.
3. Big sister has been taken hostage. Little sister stands in the window so the killer sees her and takes her hostage too.
4.Little Sister knows or she is too stupid to realize the whole town is in on the scheme. The first killer is related to the second killer. The waitres is related to the killers, etc. So Big sister gets stabbed, and where does little sister take her for help? You guessed it. Right back to the town who has no hospital and no phones and the nearest town is over 25 miles away.
5. The sisters are taken hostage, the whole church has a revival and is going to sacrifice the sisters to the demon known as savior. Townspeople all cover their noses because the smell causes them to be possessed by the Savior . The horrible smell takes over the sisters and they start trying to bite each other like crazed dogs. Thank God the smell of feet and farts do not cause us to become demon possessed. They smell bad, but that is one problem the world does not need. We would all be in danger and the human race would be extinct.
6. Remember, I told you big sister has been stabbed in the chest? Don't forget she cut her wrist so deep she should have bled to death in a few minutes. Oh never mind, that because the writers want you to feel the touching moment between sisters. So big sister has told little whiny sister to pull herself together. Little sister pulls it together, and saves big sister. Big sister tells little sister I am proud of you. Little sister punches big sister in the chest where she has been stabbed. Little Sister tells Big sister," I am going with you to New York. Someone needs to take care of you." The moment is so touching, big sister feels no pain.
What I have learned from this movie:
1. No matter how fast you run, the killer will catch up to you even if he is walking.
2. Don't trust anyone from small towns, they are all in a plot to kill you.
3. When you seek help, just remember killers are always related.
4. If you try to keep the killer from finding you slit your wrist and lead him awy with your blood. 5. Bad smells can cause demon possession. Keep the world safe, eliminate bad smells.
6. You can be whiny and scared and still be the hero at the end of the movie.
7. Getting stabbed can be cured from just the right amount of sisterly love.
8. All Chrisitan are psycho killers, and a little religion makes you a lot crazy.
I wish hollywood would stop perpetuating this. Craziness is no repecter of persons. It crosses the boundaries of race, gender, and religion.
9. It is too stupid to be scary.
10. Good writers don't write for Hollywood.
Until next time,